Haruki Murakami on writing in Sputnik Sweetheart

I recently read Sputnik Sweetheart and came across a passage in which a young, aspiring writer, Sumire, talks about why she writes, and I wanted to share it because it accurately explains why I, and probably many others, write.

My translation from the Polish version, emphasis mine:

“It's been a long time since, apart from a few letters, I wrote something just for myself, and I'm not sure if I can express what I feel. Not that I have been so sure of my ability to express myself so far. Yet something is pushing me to write.

Why? It's simple really. In order to think something over, I have to write it down first.

It’s been like this since childhood. When I couldn't understand something, I would gather the words scattered at my feet and put them into sentences.

If that didn't work, I would throw them around again and rearrange them in a different order. After a few repetitions, I was able to think like most people. Writing has never been difficult for me. Other children collected pebbles or acorns, and I wrote. As effortlessly as I breatheted, I scribbled one sentence after another. And I pondered.

No doubt you think that reaching any conclusion is a time-consuming process for me, since every time I thought about something, I had to go through all these stages. Or maybe you don't think so. But in practice it did take a long time. So much that when I went to elementary school, some people thought I was mentally challenged. I couldn't keep up with the other children.

By the time I finished elementary school, the feeling of alienation from being different had largely diminished. Then I finally found a way to keep up with the world around me. Even so, until I graduated from college and cut all ties with the bureaucracy, this chasm within me remained - like a snake lying silently in the grass.

My current topic: I write every day to figure out who I am”.